I don't know about you, but my anxiety has reached a new peak in my mid-twenties. Something about the exhaustion of working full-time, the slow fizzle of relationships that I thought would last forever, the financial stressors of adulting, all intersecting at the complete crapshoot of figuring out what the fook I'm supposed to be doing with my life, makes for a perfect anxiety petri dish.

For me, anxiety has been born of a deep-seated and long-standing drive for perfection. It's the part of me that can't play it by ear or sit in a moment; it's why I have to plan for the future, constantly evaluating and reevaluating and playing out scenarios in my head to achieve optimal results from a situation. Although I have gotten better at isolating my triggers for anxiety, and can notice the discomfort which tends to spiral into anxious thoughts pretty early on, it took me a while to get there. Like a frog in boiling water, it used to be only when I was at the far end of the spectrum that I could recognize it for what it was. It typically bloomed in a slow, unassuming way, until it dehabilitated.

The past few months have been very anxious ones for me and I'm only just starting to get a handle on it again. Generally, it was social anxiety and a fear of being unlikeable. It made me question every conversation and interaction I had, certain that at some point I must have given the other person a reason to think lowly of me. Truthfully, it was an important relationship that threw me for a loop and shattered my sense of self. But the bright side of the coin has been that I've developed a pretty handy set of tools that worked for me, in soothing my anxiety. I'm in a very positive, happy headspace these days.

I also want you to know that the word "soothe" is choiceful - I initially titled this post "How to Combat Anxiety" but I realized it didn't sit quite right. You can't fight anxiety - you can't supress it, or ignore it, or crush it with sheer strength of will. What I've come to realize is that you have to live in harmony with it - allowing it to say its piece and then reminding it of all the reasons why it isn't quite on the right track. You have to talk it down, off its panicked assumptions and worst case scenarios. You are patient with it and hopeful. And these are some ways that I've learned to do that in the chest-crushing heat of anxiety. Hopefully some of them help if you are also looking for tools:

1. Asking yourself, "what is the story I'm telling?" I learned this one from the genius who is Brene Brown, and my beautiful friend Brooke wrote an amazing post about it recently. What is the story I'm telling, is about stopping and thinking about the presumptions you are making that are contributing to your feeling of being ill at ease. Of challenging the habitual tendencies we have to explain situations that we don't understand with stories that are often worst case scenarios. For instance, a romantic partner who is unusually quiet may invoke a reaction of fear or self-doubt that they are upset with you or bored while spending time together. The reality may not even have anything to do with you at all - they could be tired or stressed about work, among a million other explanations. When you tell yourself a negative story, it may cause you to retreat or act in a way that isn't productive to a healthy relationship. By explaining to yourself and to them what the story you're telling yourself is, you're able to move from presumptions to reality and work through whatever the situation at hand really requires. This also means you can bypass the stress and anxiety of guessing and worrying over unverified assumptions.

2. Reading. Differently than TV or movies, reading forces your brain into a distraction, working to imagine into realness the words you're reading.

3. Feel Good Movies. Let's face it. Sometimes you aren't in the headspace for books. Sometimes you just need an uplifting, best-case scenario plotline. My go-to movies for when I'm anxious are almost always female-driven and/or include Hugh Grant. I love watching a hero arc or a powerful woman come into her own against the odds. Bridget Jones (any of the three), Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, Almost Famous, Moana, Mamma Mia (the second one particularly), Notting Hill, 13 Going on 30, or Ibiza. These are my cups of tea.

4. Pilates. Some people really like yoga, and some enjoy running, and truthfully I don't think it really matters what kind of physical activity it is as long as you're getting those amazing endorphins, but pilates is my thing. It is gentle enough to do when you are feeling fragile but active enough to provide the distraction that I need when I get into an anxiety hole.

5. Put a candle on, burn sage, or use lavender oil in a diffuser. I find the idea of actually impacting the physical environment around me allows me to feel capable of impacting my mood as well.

6. Tea dates with friends. I tend to avoid caffeine when I'm already feeling anxious as it can mimic the physical symptoms. A nice peppermint or chamomile are my go-tos.

7. Take a shower or bath - as they say, the cure for anything is water. Although a lake or ocean are my bodies of water of choice, showers or baths are more accessible options.

8. Play a Leon Bridges or Norah Jones album - blues/Jazz is one of the most calming genres in my opinion.

9. Cooking - for best results, combining with either #8 or #12. I personally love cooking something that requires a lot of chopping and more stove-top work than just oven-baking. It distracts you as you focus on the timing of all the different elements you're making.

10. Go for a walk - preferably one that's fairly vigorous and along a path you haven't taken before. Getting lost is a bonus.

11. Do a puzzle or play sudoku - give your brain a chance to work at solving a problem other than the one causing your anxiety.

12. Listen to podcasts - I particularly find GOOP, Oprah SuperSoul Sundays, or NY Times Dear Sugars soothing. A lot of my anxiety springs up when I feel lonely. Podcasts like these feel like listening in on a couple non-judgmental friends' conversation.

13. Take a 5HTP or L-Theanine. I also love Pascoflair. These are natural supplements and can help if you are really in panic mode. I also sometimes take Pascoflair before bed to slow the racing thoughts.

14. Journal. This has changed my life. It is a cheaper therapy, putting pen to paper and working through your emotions without fear of judgement. If I don't have a lot of time to journal, I love writing gratefulness lists, which settle me, reminding myself of all the good in my life. I try to write about things I'm grateful for externally (i.e. friends, family, good weather etc.), opportunities I'm grateful for (i.e. presentations at work, school programs etc.), and things I'm grateful for internally (i.e. what am I proud of myself for? What are my favourite traits about myself?). It can be as small as having a ladybug land on you or catching a green light on the way to work. Gratefulness puts me in an abudance mindset, where I find it easier to calm anxious thoughts.

15. Power breathing. Breathe in for four seconds. Hold, four. Exhale, four. Hold, four. Repeat. I imagine drawing a four sided box with this exercise.

Do you have any tools in your anxiety toolbox? If there’s something you’ve found helpful, please share in the comments!